The fix-up

“I almost got you a date today.” Exclaims my aunt as I answer the phone.

“ummm, super?” I say, not really knowing how I’m supposed to react when my family takes to fixing me up.

“It came out of nowhere. A nurse practitioner I work with was talking about her kids, and her son who she said needed someone to “level him out” when I told her I had a niece who was looking for a guy who was “just gay enough.”

“Great…” I think to myself. While that may be the case, I don’t typical admit it to people who find it their “goal” to find me a spouse.

(Note to reader, the last boyfriend, was just a little too gay. Or at least that’s what his boyfriend of 2 ½ years would have to say.)

So apparently my aunt goes on to explain to her co-worker, how I want a guy who can cook, and likes music and theatre. Apparently the co-worker's son not only cooks, but he’s a musician in some sort of band and he also loves theatre. Hmmm… now she’s peaked my interest. Although I’m not sure what good ‘ol Thomas (her son’s name) would have to say about being fixed up with some random co-worker of his mom’s niece. And to be honest, I’m not sure what I have to say about it either.

Last time this aunt tried to fix me up, the guy sent me a couple of emails and I determined 2 things.
1. Anyone who’s favorite movie is Thirteen Ghosts is probably not the best fit for me.
2. Anyone who ends absolutely every written sentence outside of a question, with not just 1 but a couple of exclamation points, deserves to be sent out back and shot.

I made the mistake of telling my mom these two things, who quickly reiterated them to my aunt who I think was probably a little put off. Ok, so I’m picky. I’ll admit it. But really as they say in High Fidelity: It's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party.

Maybe these are the kind of questions I should have Thomas answer before we ever even attempt the whole horrid idea of a blind date. Or maybe I can just sneak into the club where he’s playing and check out his shoes… I think I like that idea better. Besides if he plays polka, this relationship has no future.

A conversation with Dad

"Honey, I got you something. You're going to love it. (as he disappears out the door when I'd come to visit.) If you don't love it, I'll help you get it off..."

"Get WHAT off?"

"You'll see...Funny stuff." Dad says as he grins at me.

A couple of hours later I make my way out to my car to find a nice hot pink foiled sticker stuck on the drivers side small window right behind my window.

Hmmm, I think to myself. That looks like one of those stickers that jr. high girls like to stick in their lockers. Always saying something clever like: Sorry it's not my day to care, or Go fascinate someone else, or one of my personal favorites: How may I ignore you today? They're great b/c you know they just hate to be peeled off, even when you decide that whatever was so witty yesterday has just lost a little bit of it's kick. I thought, what could provoke my dad to put a sticker on MY car? When I finally got close enough to read it:

Boyfriend Challenged

Classic.

Well what can you do? I just turned and chuckled at my dad who obviously thinks he's made this great joke, grumbling under my breath all the time about what a wonderful daily reminder I now have at my "state of being", while my sisters, who belong to the elite club of marrieds, just look on sheepishly.

I drive away thinking, boy do I just LOVE to still be single.

So after a nice long stretch of singleness that includes some bad decisions (ie straighttuckjon, toohotforhisowngoodjacob, and one of my personal favorites gayjay who's in a wonderful committed relationship now with this really attractive guy... I've decided why not make light of it. That's what life is all about.

Therefore I started this blog. All about being single, in my midtwenties, in the midwest, as a middle child surrounded by marrieds. So if you pass a girl with a nice hot pink foiled sticker on her window that reads boyfriend challenged, don't be so quick to judge. She probably didn't put it there herself. She just hasn't had time to find some goobegone to fix the stickiness that will be left behind in the aftermath.